Since I'm on the subject, I thought I'd share this amusing snippet:
me: Hey baby, I'm Felix! What kind of girls do you like?
him: [in thick Southern accent] I like Colombian girls.
me: Colombian girls? Well my dad is from Brazil, y hablo español.
him: Was that Colombian?
me: It was Spanish. They speak Spanish in Colombia. [pause, try again] So you must like Shakira a lot.
him: Yeah, and J-Lo.
me: J-Lo is Puerto Rican.
him: [shrug]
me: You know there is a difference between Colombia and Puerto Rico, right?
him: [blank stare]
me: Have a good evening.
Also I have a lot of guys who like to inform me that Africa is a continent, not a country. Thanks for the update.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Most Memorable Customers
Just so you don't think all strip club patrons are evil slimy creatures, here is a list of my all-time most memorable customers:
8. Guy Who Offered Me $15,000 For A Blow Job. Just to clarify--I turned him down. Since him, every offer has seemed puny in comparison. (2007)
7. First Customer I Ever Talked To (at City Limits in Sacramento). Really hairy twentysomething guy in a wife beater who told me I would never make it in this business because my personality wasn't right for it and he didn't think I was cute enough. Mmmhmmm thanks for the advice buddy. (April 2004)
6. Jews 1, 2, & 3. Also known as Max, Jamie, & Bryan. I don't know why but I love these guys! They are the only ones I've ever met for breakfast after work. Keep in touch homies! (June 2009)
5. Jim. Jim is probably the coolest guy I've ever met in the club. He's an independent film producer and he loves alternative music even more than I do. I'm still kicking myself for turning down his invitation to Sundance a few years ago (I had a boyfriend and guess what? I am a really good girlfriend!). (December 2006)
4. The Two Hottest Girls I've Ever Danced For. I don't remember their names but the first one looked like Eva Longoria and the second one was a Monica Bellucci lookalike. They were just sooo hot I had to get extra freaky with them in the VIP room (details available upon request). Both experiences were the kind of "God I Love My Job" moments that make it all worthwhile. (January 2007 & July 2009)
3. Tanvir. I met Tanvir when I had flown home from France to work during spring break. I was super stressed and under a ton of pressure to make money, so he was like my knight in shining armor--he was a total gentleman and spoiled me rotten ($2600 over two shifts). Plus he ordered me quesadillas...what more could a girl ask for? (April 2008)
2. Rayne. One night I wandered into the champagne room and heard the customer in front of me tell the host: "Send me a couple girls. I'm ready to party." I tapped him on the shoulder and introduced myself. We totally clicked! A young Jewish New Yorker (totally my type), he told me he was dating a dancer at Scores so he didn't want lap dances, but he'd just won a ton of money and wanted to spread the wealth around. He ended up booking me & two other dancers for five consecutive hours ($400/hr each--you do the math). We spent the time talking, laughing, sharing stories, munching on finger foods...it was really fun, not to mention lucrative. (May 2007)
1. Mike. The only customer with whom I have fallen in love. If you don't know the story...well I'm not gonna reiterate it here. Some things are truly private. (2007)
8. Guy Who Offered Me $15,000 For A Blow Job. Just to clarify--I turned him down. Since him, every offer has seemed puny in comparison. (2007)
7. First Customer I Ever Talked To (at City Limits in Sacramento). Really hairy twentysomething guy in a wife beater who told me I would never make it in this business because my personality wasn't right for it and he didn't think I was cute enough. Mmmhmmm thanks for the advice buddy. (April 2004)
6. Jews 1, 2, & 3. Also known as Max, Jamie, & Bryan. I don't know why but I love these guys! They are the only ones I've ever met for breakfast after work. Keep in touch homies! (June 2009)
5. Jim. Jim is probably the coolest guy I've ever met in the club. He's an independent film producer and he loves alternative music even more than I do. I'm still kicking myself for turning down his invitation to Sundance a few years ago (I had a boyfriend and guess what? I am a really good girlfriend!). (December 2006)
4. The Two Hottest Girls I've Ever Danced For. I don't remember their names but the first one looked like Eva Longoria and the second one was a Monica Bellucci lookalike. They were just sooo hot I had to get extra freaky with them in the VIP room (details available upon request). Both experiences were the kind of "God I Love My Job" moments that make it all worthwhile. (January 2007 & July 2009)
3. Tanvir. I met Tanvir when I had flown home from France to work during spring break. I was super stressed and under a ton of pressure to make money, so he was like my knight in shining armor--he was a total gentleman and spoiled me rotten ($2600 over two shifts). Plus he ordered me quesadillas...what more could a girl ask for? (April 2008)
2. Rayne. One night I wandered into the champagne room and heard the customer in front of me tell the host: "Send me a couple girls. I'm ready to party." I tapped him on the shoulder and introduced myself. We totally clicked! A young Jewish New Yorker (totally my type), he told me he was dating a dancer at Scores so he didn't want lap dances, but he'd just won a ton of money and wanted to spread the wealth around. He ended up booking me & two other dancers for five consecutive hours ($400/hr each--you do the math). We spent the time talking, laughing, sharing stories, munching on finger foods...it was really fun, not to mention lucrative. (May 2007)
1. Mike. The only customer with whom I have fallen in love. If you don't know the story...well I'm not gonna reiterate it here. Some things are truly private. (2007)
Is Stripping Harmful? Part Two
There is a debate within the industry over whether or not the strip club is actually a microcosm for the "real world." Before you balk at this assumption, hear me out. The cold hard reality of life is that more people are moved to action by greed and desire than by love for their fellow man. Moreover, in the real world, a man can usually lure a woman with enough money and success, no matter how repulsive he is. The other side of that same coin is that for women much more than for men, looks matter, and a beautiful woman can usually get by without any particular talent. I am not talking about you or me; if you are in my life you are clearly an amazing, evolved person, not superficial or money-driven. I am talking about a certain mentality that is exemplified by the average strip club affiliate.
How does this harm me personally? Well, after five years of dancing, it'd be a stretch for me to claim that this mentality hasn't rubbed off on me at all. I am emphatically not a gold-digger--I don't care if my partner is rich or poor as long as they have similar values to my own, i.e. s/he is educated and socially conscious. But I like nice things, I like to eat well, I like to travel, and after five years of having money basically thrown at me non-stop, it's hard for me to swallow the notion that I don't necessarily deserve these luxuries.
Again, the best defense against developing this entitled mentality is to actively work to strike a balance between what I'm surrounded by at work and what I consider to be a healthier world view outside the club. I think I do a pretty good job appreciating the material goods that have resulted from dancing; also I try to spend my money on things that will benefit me for a lifetime, such as education and travel, as opposed to objects that will lose their luster with age.
I want to note that there are probably a lot of other ways this job is harming me that I'm pushing down into repression rather than deal with at the moment because currently the job's perks far outweigh its costs. I plan to get some therapy to deal with it all, but not until I'm done with the business. I'm afraid that if I try to work on all the issues too much while I'm still working there it'll make it too hard...and I still have a lot of things to do with this opportunity!
How does this harm me personally? Well, after five years of dancing, it'd be a stretch for me to claim that this mentality hasn't rubbed off on me at all. I am emphatically not a gold-digger--I don't care if my partner is rich or poor as long as they have similar values to my own, i.e. s/he is educated and socially conscious. But I like nice things, I like to eat well, I like to travel, and after five years of having money basically thrown at me non-stop, it's hard for me to swallow the notion that I don't necessarily deserve these luxuries.
Again, the best defense against developing this entitled mentality is to actively work to strike a balance between what I'm surrounded by at work and what I consider to be a healthier world view outside the club. I think I do a pretty good job appreciating the material goods that have resulted from dancing; also I try to spend my money on things that will benefit me for a lifetime, such as education and travel, as opposed to objects that will lose their luster with age.
I want to note that there are probably a lot of other ways this job is harming me that I'm pushing down into repression rather than deal with at the moment because currently the job's perks far outweigh its costs. I plan to get some therapy to deal with it all, but not until I'm done with the business. I'm afraid that if I try to work on all the issues too much while I'm still working there it'll make it too hard...and I still have a lot of things to do with this opportunity!
Is Stripping Harmful? Part One
In a word, yes. I have recently accepted the fact that I am inflicting long-term psychological damage upon myself by working in this industry. From what I can tell, this damage manifests itself in two ways. First, in my attitude towards men, and second, in my sense of entitlement.
I hate to say it but yes, some shifts are bad and I start to feel like I hate men. As one bouncer once put it, otherwise ordinary men can "turn into animals" in a strip club. A lot of my customers are sweethearts, but a lot more of them are disrespectful and/or rude, if not overtly misogynistic and/or abusive, and when alcohol is added, things can get ugly. Even when customers are on their best behavior, I'm still immersed in an industry where my appearance is of the utmost importance; objectification goes without saying and even the most stunning dancer faces routine rejection.
So in the club I have to be, as Beth & I decided back in the day, a tough cookie. I have to stay focused, brush off all the bullshit customers say and do, and treat them like the dollar signs they are. Outside the club in my normal life, day-to-day life, I don't really think about work that much, but inevitably there are aspects of it that creep in, especially on the subconscious level. The best example I can give of this phenomenon is my reoccurring dream of being stuck in the middle of a shark-infested ocean. Mom suggested (and I see her point) that I have this dream frequently because I feel I am surrounded by predators. Another example is that I often get defensive or downright rude with men; also I have a tendency to sometimes look at guys and think, "Who do you think you are? I would own you if we were in my club." Not healthy...but not necessarily untrue.
The best way I've found to combat a festering hatred towards the male gender is to surround myself as much as possible with positive male influences, such as family members and my awesome male friends. I guess the aim is to strike a balance.
I hate to say it but yes, some shifts are bad and I start to feel like I hate men. As one bouncer once put it, otherwise ordinary men can "turn into animals" in a strip club. A lot of my customers are sweethearts, but a lot more of them are disrespectful and/or rude, if not overtly misogynistic and/or abusive, and when alcohol is added, things can get ugly. Even when customers are on their best behavior, I'm still immersed in an industry where my appearance is of the utmost importance; objectification goes without saying and even the most stunning dancer faces routine rejection.
So in the club I have to be, as Beth & I decided back in the day, a tough cookie. I have to stay focused, brush off all the bullshit customers say and do, and treat them like the dollar signs they are. Outside the club in my normal life, day-to-day life, I don't really think about work that much, but inevitably there are aspects of it that creep in, especially on the subconscious level. The best example I can give of this phenomenon is my reoccurring dream of being stuck in the middle of a shark-infested ocean. Mom suggested (and I see her point) that I have this dream frequently because I feel I am surrounded by predators. Another example is that I often get defensive or downright rude with men; also I have a tendency to sometimes look at guys and think, "Who do you think you are? I would own you if we were in my club." Not healthy...but not necessarily untrue.
The best way I've found to combat a festering hatred towards the male gender is to surround myself as much as possible with positive male influences, such as family members and my awesome male friends. I guess the aim is to strike a balance.
Is Stripping Empowering?
[note: originally written during midterms of winter 2009]
Stripping has been empowering for me in two ways.
First, it has empowered me economically in a way that few other jobs could do, considering my experience and education level. It has provided means to live comfortably as I earn my bachelor's degree and travel. It provides a level of freedom and financial security that contributes to this relatively comfortable lifestyle. Not only am I able to stay out of debt by paying my tuition in cash each quarter, but I eat out often, drive a cute, safe car, and can afford to pay for perks such as tanning and having my hair done at an expensive Orange County salon. I get massages every week and don't have to worry about satisfying basic wants such as wearing MAC cosmetics or taking trips out of town to see friends and family. I don't have to wait for a paycheck and I almost always have plenty of cash for my weekly expenditures. The self-scheduling process means I can come and go as I please, work until I make "enough" money, and take time off for other priorities (namely, school). As long as I keep myself reasonably in shape, I will always have the option of stripping as a means of supporting myself, which is a security most people my age don't have.
Second, stripping has empowered me in a less-tangible way. I have learned lessons in sexuality and in human interactions that I would never have learned anywhere else. Moreover, because each shift is in some way unique, my body of knowledge on these subjects continually expands. Some of the lessons have been dispiriting: the heart-wrenching feeling of watching an inexperienced dancer struggle against a pushy customer. Some lessons are eye-opening: the realization that many dancers will do anything for the right price, and that many more men do not consider themselves to be disloyal to their significant other when they engage in sexual activity within the confines of a strip club. When looked at exclusively, these types of lessons paint a rather gloomy picture of a world not ruled by love and compassion but by the ruthless pursuit of sex and money.
On the other hand, I have been empowered on a basic level because stripping has given me a forum to celebrate my sexual, sensual self for profit. I really can't explain how I feel when I'm on stage, beyond saying that I feel like the most beautiful, sexy, powerful woman on the planet at that moment. Just in the act of dancing on stage and giving lap dances, I have gained confidence in my sexuality and in my control of my body as a sexual being. I know what sexy is and I can be sexy whenever I want. I can turn it on and off like a faucet, and I can bring people to the brink of their own state of sexual desire without giving anything real of myself.
If a woman is able to abstain from the "stripper lifestyle"--consumption of drugs & alcohol, habitual shopping, promiscuity, and general laziness, much can be gained in this business.
Stripping has been empowering for me in two ways.
First, it has empowered me economically in a way that few other jobs could do, considering my experience and education level. It has provided means to live comfortably as I earn my bachelor's degree and travel. It provides a level of freedom and financial security that contributes to this relatively comfortable lifestyle. Not only am I able to stay out of debt by paying my tuition in cash each quarter, but I eat out often, drive a cute, safe car, and can afford to pay for perks such as tanning and having my hair done at an expensive Orange County salon. I get massages every week and don't have to worry about satisfying basic wants such as wearing MAC cosmetics or taking trips out of town to see friends and family. I don't have to wait for a paycheck and I almost always have plenty of cash for my weekly expenditures. The self-scheduling process means I can come and go as I please, work until I make "enough" money, and take time off for other priorities (namely, school). As long as I keep myself reasonably in shape, I will always have the option of stripping as a means of supporting myself, which is a security most people my age don't have.
Second, stripping has empowered me in a less-tangible way. I have learned lessons in sexuality and in human interactions that I would never have learned anywhere else. Moreover, because each shift is in some way unique, my body of knowledge on these subjects continually expands. Some of the lessons have been dispiriting: the heart-wrenching feeling of watching an inexperienced dancer struggle against a pushy customer. Some lessons are eye-opening: the realization that many dancers will do anything for the right price, and that many more men do not consider themselves to be disloyal to their significant other when they engage in sexual activity within the confines of a strip club. When looked at exclusively, these types of lessons paint a rather gloomy picture of a world not ruled by love and compassion but by the ruthless pursuit of sex and money.
On the other hand, I have been empowered on a basic level because stripping has given me a forum to celebrate my sexual, sensual self for profit. I really can't explain how I feel when I'm on stage, beyond saying that I feel like the most beautiful, sexy, powerful woman on the planet at that moment. Just in the act of dancing on stage and giving lap dances, I have gained confidence in my sexuality and in my control of my body as a sexual being. I know what sexy is and I can be sexy whenever I want. I can turn it on and off like a faucet, and I can bring people to the brink of their own state of sexual desire without giving anything real of myself.
If a woman is able to abstain from the "stripper lifestyle"--consumption of drugs & alcohol, habitual shopping, promiscuity, and general laziness, much can be gained in this business.
Monday, June 29, 2009
What goes on in the VIP room?
Apparently this blog is turning into a running response to all the questions I've received over the course of my career. At least for now...
What goes on in the VIP room varies widely depending on a range of variables: what club you visit, which dancer you choose, which bounce is overseeing the room, who is managing the shift, whether or not the club's owners are in the building, if the club has been raided by vice recently, if another club in town has been raided recently, what city/county/state/country you are in, etc.
What usually happens when I dance in the VIP room: I give a very slow, seductive dance where much is implied but nothing actually happens. Lots of eye-contact, some heavy breathing, a well-timed giggle...they eat that shit up.
On a more explicit level (Mom cover your ears), it depends on two things: what club I am at and how cool the individual customer is. When I dance in Sacramento, the customers always have to keep their hands on the seat, and I have to keep one foot on the floor, which is great because I never feel like I'm dancing for an octopus and it keeps the other girls from getting too frisky (less "competition"). In Los Angeles the VIP booths were completely closed off by translucent curtains and from what I could see when I peeked a lot of the girls got pretty nasty in there. Since that particular club took an automatic 55% of my earnings I usually made the guys keep their hands on the seat or at most let them touch my legs/back.
In Las Vegas I give every guy my standard "Don't touch my pussy and don't go up my ass crack" line (complete with a "say no to crack" joke). But the truth is there are lots of little things guys do besides reach towards my holiest of holies that piss me off and make my dances less enthusiastic. Short list: touching my knees (of course), touching my feet, tickling me on purpose, putting his mouth on me (usually in the form of kissing or licking, but I have been bit a few times), grabbing my hips and trying to hump me like a blow-up doll, spending too much time on my tits (a quick squeeze is all you really need).
Bottom line: if a guy is cool, i.e. laid-back and generou$, and makes me feel comfortable, he's going to have a way better time than if I'm constantly jerking away from him. But then, some guys are freaks who get off on making women uncomfortable. You never really know until you get back there...which is why it's always good to get your money before you dance and remind them that you can stop dancing any time you want.
What goes on in the VIP room varies widely depending on a range of variables: what club you visit, which dancer you choose, which bounce is overseeing the room, who is managing the shift, whether or not the club's owners are in the building, if the club has been raided by vice recently, if another club in town has been raided recently, what city/county/state/country you are in, etc.
What usually happens when I dance in the VIP room: I give a very slow, seductive dance where much is implied but nothing actually happens. Lots of eye-contact, some heavy breathing, a well-timed giggle...they eat that shit up.
On a more explicit level (Mom cover your ears), it depends on two things: what club I am at and how cool the individual customer is. When I dance in Sacramento, the customers always have to keep their hands on the seat, and I have to keep one foot on the floor, which is great because I never feel like I'm dancing for an octopus and it keeps the other girls from getting too frisky (less "competition"). In Los Angeles the VIP booths were completely closed off by translucent curtains and from what I could see when I peeked a lot of the girls got pretty nasty in there. Since that particular club took an automatic 55% of my earnings I usually made the guys keep their hands on the seat or at most let them touch my legs/back.
In Las Vegas I give every guy my standard "Don't touch my pussy and don't go up my ass crack" line (complete with a "say no to crack" joke). But the truth is there are lots of little things guys do besides reach towards my holiest of holies that piss me off and make my dances less enthusiastic. Short list: touching my knees (of course), touching my feet, tickling me on purpose, putting his mouth on me (usually in the form of kissing or licking, but I have been bit a few times), grabbing my hips and trying to hump me like a blow-up doll, spending too much time on my tits (a quick squeeze is all you really need).
Bottom line: if a guy is cool, i.e. laid-back and generou$, and makes me feel comfortable, he's going to have a way better time than if I'm constantly jerking away from him. But then, some guys are freaks who get off on making women uncomfortable. You never really know until you get back there...which is why it's always good to get your money before you dance and remind them that you can stop dancing any time you want.
The MOST Frequently Asked Question: "How did you get into this?"
Let me take you back. Way back, to October, 2003. I was 21 and the U.S. was in its post-9/11 recession. I was sitting in my dad's living room when I got a call from my employer, Washington Mutual, saying they would no longer be needing my services as a loan auditor. As I sat on the couch, rather disappointed to be out of my seventh (yes, seventh) job that year, my girlfriend Crystal happened to call. When I told her I had just been laid off, she replied, "We should go strip."
The next day I met Crystal at her apartment in San Francisco. She helped me pick out my first pair of shoes (5" clear platform heels) and loaned me a lacy black tank top and black panties with ruffles to dance in. We walked down Broadway and talked to a few doormen until we got an audition at Roaring 20s. Honestly, this was so long ago that I don't remember much except that we were terrified to go on stage, but stoked afterward when we were hired. We filled out paperwork, had an orientation, and then left. We came back the next day, danced on stage for a few songs (and yes I looked like an idiot/deer in headlights/TOTAL NEWB), and left having never given a lap dance.
That was my first exposure to dancing. The two aspects that stand out most vividly in my memory are being absolutely terrified to go on stage (like, shaking and almost in tears), and the orientation we received. We asked the hiring manager how much money we could expect to earn working there, and he told us: "Dancers here make about $5000 a month working three shifts a week." At that point, mind you, I had just been laid off from a job where I was working 40 hours a week, and making $12/hr meant I still didn't have enough to move out of my dad's house, let alone go back to school. Even though Crystal and I never went back to 20s after our second day, that figure ($5000/month for part-time work!) stuck in my head, and after thinking about it and researching the industry for about six more months, in May of 2004 I ultimately quit my job (working full-time for $10/hr as a "fax coordinator" for a company that does billing for radiologists), moved to Sacramento, and dancing became my sole source of income.
Second to going back to school, it was the best decision I've made as an adult.
The next day I met Crystal at her apartment in San Francisco. She helped me pick out my first pair of shoes (5" clear platform heels) and loaned me a lacy black tank top and black panties with ruffles to dance in. We walked down Broadway and talked to a few doormen until we got an audition at Roaring 20s. Honestly, this was so long ago that I don't remember much except that we were terrified to go on stage, but stoked afterward when we were hired. We filled out paperwork, had an orientation, and then left. We came back the next day, danced on stage for a few songs (and yes I looked like an idiot/deer in headlights/TOTAL NEWB), and left having never given a lap dance.
That was my first exposure to dancing. The two aspects that stand out most vividly in my memory are being absolutely terrified to go on stage (like, shaking and almost in tears), and the orientation we received. We asked the hiring manager how much money we could expect to earn working there, and he told us: "Dancers here make about $5000 a month working three shifts a week." At that point, mind you, I had just been laid off from a job where I was working 40 hours a week, and making $12/hr meant I still didn't have enough to move out of my dad's house, let alone go back to school. Even though Crystal and I never went back to 20s after our second day, that figure ($5000/month for part-time work!) stuck in my head, and after thinking about it and researching the industry for about six more months, in May of 2004 I ultimately quit my job (working full-time for $10/hr as a "fax coordinator" for a company that does billing for radiologists), moved to Sacramento, and dancing became my sole source of income.
Second to going back to school, it was the best decision I've made as an adult.
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